The Big Bang Theory sucks. Like, it really really sucks. One of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Trash to the power of trash. The basic premise is it’s a show about a group of friends who are all professors or something like that. They’re scientists at a university. Researchers, I guess? I don’t know, I’m not really sure. But anyway, the guys are all really geeky. One’s Jewish, one’s Indian, one has OCD, and one, well, I’m not really sure what Johnny Galecki’s gimmick here is. One is Johnny Galecki. Galecki and Jim Parsons’ character live across a hallway from a hot girl who wants to be an actress. And now you’re pretty much up to speed.

The jokes (can we really call them that? They’re never really funny.) So, the lousy attempts at humor are pretty much all the same and never particularly sophisticated. It’s mostly just “the guys are nerds! Get it? HA HA HA!” Then as the show goes on, the guys become less nerdy (Rob McElhenny actually said this was the inspiration for his weight gain on Sunny, which is a great show. Take notes, Big Bang Theory.) but the lousy attempts at humor are still about how the guys are nerds. None of this makes any sense. Like, the whole point of the show was that the guys are nerds. I understand character development, but this wasn’t development so much as it was homogenization. At that point, what’s the point of the show? It’s just Friends (which also sucked), but the characters are supposed to be smart, the attempts at humor are worse, and the characters are somehow more annoying.

Which brings me to my next point – Jim Parsons overacts. I get that it’s the point of his character, but if the writers need to beat me over the head with a character to get him over, the character sucks and so do the writers. And what’s the guy’s deal, anyway? Nobody seems to actually like him. Why does anyone put up with him? Does he have a mental condition? Because, like, that’s not funny. At all.

David Healy’s the only guy on this show who’s not a cartoon. (I don’t know what his name on this show is and I don’t really care. I think it’s Larry or something. I’m calling him David.) So a gold star to Johnny Galecki for being the only guy on this show who didn’t feel the need to act like a goofball.

There’s absolutely nothing special about Kaley Cuoco’s character. Or her acting. And in real life, it’s highly unlikely that a girl who looks like that would have anything to do with any of those jabronis, at least until her dreams of becoming a famous actress die and she realizes that David’s the best she’s gonna get.

Mayim Bialik is the biggest waste of space on this atrocity and that’s saying something. She’s about as interesting as paint drying. And remember what I said earlier about character homogenization? Well, just about the only thing the flunkies writing this crap did right was not homogenizing Jim Parsons’ character. Then they gave him a girlfriend and tried to but only went halfway with it and the result was just awkward and lame. This is the point where I have to ask again if there’s something actually wrong with the guy. Because, again, if there is, that’s not funny. Or rather, double not funny, since nothing on this show is funny in the first place. It’s your typical Chuck Lorre sitcom: pick the low-hanging fruit for far too long and “develop” your characters by removing the quirks that got them over in the first place. If Chuck Lorre wrote Seinfeld, he’d have Kramer working a desk job then coming home to his wife and kids.

The only thing Lorre’s done that didn’t suck was writing for Roseanne for a couple years. The seasons he was around for were pretty good, then according to Wikipedia, for whatever that’s worth, he got canned for creative differences. I don’t know what his ideas were, but I did watch the last couple seasons of that show, and if that’s what they went with, I’d hate to see what they thought sucked. As far as the rest of Lorre’s resume: Not great, Bob. Two and a Half Men had its moments for a while, then Charlie Harper went soft, Jake grew up, and somehow Jon Cryer, who was never anything more than along for the ride, is getting women. Then Charlie Sheen left and, rather than doing the right thing, taking that as an opportunity to realize that the show had run its course a couple years ago, and ending it, they replaced him with Michael Kelso.

And the guy’s just a tool. This is a guy who used the finale of Two and a Half Men to take a shot at Charlie Sheen. The only possible justification for that debacle of a show is that he owed someone from Roseanne a favor and had to make their finale look less atrocious by comparison. If that was indeed the case, then congratulations, Chuck. You actually did something right for once.

Twitter: @KSchroeder_312

E-mail: schroeder.giig@gmail.com

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