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Last week Martha Ford and the Ford family took to hiring the new team president for the Detroit Lions, Rod Wood. We were in attendance and we were a bit flabbergasted at the lack of on the job experience Rod had. Watch here.
Good afternnon. First of all I’d like to thank Mrs. Ford and the entire Ford family for this incredible opportunity.And the confidence they’ve shown in me in leading the Detroit Lions onward into the future. As I’m sure you all noticed in my background, I am not a football guy. Hell honestly I was up late last night on Craigslist filling out applications and I ran across a few jobs in the “miscellaneous” section.After a considerable amount of emails asking me if I wanted to make 1,500 dollars a week being an Uber driver, Adult webcam models starting off at $50 and hour, or selling knvies for Vector; I received to phone calls. One from McDonald’s and one from Martha Ford. Initially, I accepted the role to become lead fry cook and assistant to the general manager at the McDonald’s in Auburn Hills, MI off Baldwin RD, but they pulled the deal at the last minute. After 5 or 6 conversations with my wife, I decided to extend my search a little more. I applied to be a independent business owner with Wake Up Now, a janitor, I even applied to replace the urinal cakes at movie theaters,but to no avail. After several emotional breakdowns and two near fatal attempts to end my life, I put in the call to Mrs. Martha Ford. I have been a lifetime Lions fan so I can understand our fans frustration. Being a Lions fan is passed down from generation to generation. It is reserved for only the truest fans. Fans who don’t want nice things. Fans who wake up every Sunday, and put bags on their heads to hide in shame. I represent all of you and honestly I don’t know a gotdamn thing about this job. Hahaha I’m stealing checks for the next 20 years just like Tom Lewand. Do you know what we do in the suite during Lions games? We watch Patriots games! It’s a real hoot. The caviar is exquisite and the Ford’s have these crab cakes delivered from Maryland, THEY ARE TO DIE FOR.
Getting back to Buisness
I remember watching games on black and white TV with my parents attending games and tiger stadium. Do we have that picture of my dad? Show that picture.
My dad recently reminded that the last time the lions won a championship, he graduated high school.
On a much lighter note, “I would probably say that I’m not qualified to run any other NFL team but I think I’m qualified to run this one”